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A Reminder + 0 comment ♡
Being able to find someone that sees the good and bad in you is a blessing. Two years ago, I finally received that very blessing. Two years may not seem like a long time, but consider the events that has happened and it feels much longer. I'd like to believe that there are still things about each other that we've not yet discovered despite being entirely transparent. It would probably be the little things such as what textures and patterns do they like or which board game is their favourite or even what their darkest thoughts are when they're alone.
Recently, I came across a post an ex wrote for me. As I was reading, I was reminded of the toxic relationship which was once mine and felt deeply grateful for the one I'm currently in. I value the minor quirks of the relationship I'm in as they personally are salient. The minor quirks would include the subtle treatments I receive from her like a kiss on the forehead or a random big hug!
I don't regret the relationship I was once in. It truly allowed me to reason with myself and to understand what I wanted in a relationship. I will never forget the relationship as it was a difficult one with countless problems; but I'm thankful for the rough patch I went through. Re-thinking it while I make this post never fails to remind me, yet again of how grateful I am for the relationship I'm in.
My ex was (still is) a firm believer in getting to know someone really well before proceeding into anything more would ensure the bloom of the relationship. Earlier on, that was what I thought as well, but after dating a best friend and it becoming sour very quickly, I realised that that wasn't always the case.
Although Ven and I kicked the relationship off quickly, that doesn't define if we're going to stay together or not. What actually makes or breaks it is the effort. Put in the effort today and reap the benefits tomorrow. As immature or blindly hopeful as this sounds, I'm ready to continue pouring my efforts and love into this relationship for it to bloom. I give self-less love 80% of the time in romantic relationships as well as friendships, which isn't the best I admit, but I don't believe I have to love myself to love someone else. What if loving someone else, the right someone else, is the first step to loving who you are? If Venessa has taught me anything the past two years, is that I need to stand up for myself and be brave. If I want something, I go get it.
As difficult as learning and adapting to that was for me, especially since I let my entire life go by without voicing out how I felt. But now, I'm less afraid of saying what I feel and not feeling ashamed for feeling. There's a lot more that needs to be done, but within time it'll be put into place. She puts up with me all the time, I appreciate it a lot. It's something my ex never knew how to do. Stop and listen.
I found the blessing I've been hoping for and I'm more than content with what I have. It's a little silly to admit that I still smile when I say her name aloud; a part of me still can't wrap the idea around my head that I've come across something that only ever existed in an ideal dream. But, for the most part, I know what I have and I'm ready to keep it this way for a long time.