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Day fifteen | It's Christmas Eve! + 0 comment ♡
Merry Christmas Eve!This year has definitely been tough for the most of us, I know for me it has been. Regardless, i'm grateful for the events that happened throughout the months of 2018.
A lot has changed since January, obviously; But i know a lot of bigger opportunities are waiting in the near future.
Sometimes i myself wonder how am i able to say such optimistic things even though i feel like crying at the same time. Either way, i'm happy i still have hope for the future.
I wouldn't have made it through the year without a few very special people in my life.
People who gave me that hope i needed.
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It's day fifteen of me taking Zoloft.
I'm glad the side effects weren't as terrible as i expected them to be. I think my body and brain have come to terms with the medication, i still don't know if i'm happy or scared about that.
I've spoken to doctors about the likeliness of someone becoming addicted to such medication and have the need for it forever. Definitely happy to hear that there is no possibility of that happening if i stick to proper dosages that'll eventually decrease to slowly wean me off it.
I understand that i don't have to be afraid of taking anti-depressants anymore, but truth be told, it's difficult to not feel a fear that's been lurking for so long. It'll take time, but i know i'm making progress. I just hope the people around me stick with me long enough to realise that. Now, i don't want to be a tough person to be around, yet i still believe those who want to stay by me..you're going to need a lot of patience and understanding. Just like how i need to give myself patience and understanding.
It may seem like a lot to ask for, at the same time it's also not.
The quarter of a handful of friends that i've kept close to me at heart, they know how tough it can be. I love them dearly, i don't know how they've managed all these years, but they have. The most recent person that i've come to trust and care for is my girlfriend, Venessa.
I can proudly credit her for all the progress i've made this year, sure it took personal willpower to get to where i am today, but without her..the love of my life, i wouldn't have ever managed to push myself this far. She has been the most patient with me even though she says she isn't a patient person. All those nights of constant crying, crying without a reason, arguments and pain; She braved through them all with me, no ones ever gone through a fraction of me and still manage to say that they still love me.
Except her.
I remember the first day i came home with Zoloft, i still had anxious thoughts about whether i should take it or not even after i had consulted with psychologists and psychiatrists. My mind was still racing and worrying that i wanted to throw everything away; And even then, she remained calm and told me the things i needed to hear. Of course i was still scared after hearing everything, but she was right, so i thought to myself if i didn't take it then this would be my life. Constant worry, endless overthinking and pain, both physically and mentally. I still thank her till this day for helping me through everything. The love of my life, no one could ever even remotely replace her. None.
Day fifteen, i'm feeling better and hopeful.
Merry Christmas