it's been quite a while since the last entry. more memories have been made and deeper thoughts shared. each and every day that passes, i've been trying to do my absolute best to make her happy. honestly speaking, i still don't feel enough for her. this girl doesn't properly understand how much i care for her.
why?
because i'm bad with words to show expression.

sometimes, she asks me "why me?"; but i never know how to reply properly in flowery words to make her smile. instead, i smile awkwardly, which i'm sure makes her doubt me. truth is, i just don't know how to use words to show just how much i care, how much i've fallen for her.
to make up for that, i try doing the small things.
i try decently making her breakfast in the morning (pretty shitty breakfast if you ask me)
some days i'll drive her to and fro from work (i'm sorry for scratching your car..) 
other days i just drive her around.
i'm making her something this Christmas, but that isn't enough.

i don't do these things for anyone, not even my friends. i don't usually bother waking up in the morning to prepare food that's not for me to consume. i let them do it on their own, why should i? sure, it's a nice gesture; but i'll never go out of my way for someone who doesn't mean something to me.
i have favouritism at times, i prioritise certain people in my life. they come first.
for her, she'll always be first.

she's been hanging around my family a lot recently, no doubt they love her just as much as i knew they would. they want her around more, and so do i. i'm fixated on this girl more than anyone will ever come to understand, i see everything in her.
people tell me to slow down, at the rate i'm going it's like we're rushing into things.

but why, why does it feel appropriate this time? in past relationships, there was always a fear that'll it'll end soon because i can predict the kind of fights and predicaments that i'd have with that particular person. i foresee issues festering before they even make it apparent that there is in fact a problem.
however, with this girl i somehow don't feel that wave of emotion. i don't sense the fear that i always had when i start dating someone. i don't see any reason why she and i won't be proper about it (in the case when we do have issues)  
figuring things out, i think, would be easier than most of the problems i've had in my life. at least i know she's of sound mind.

at this stage in the relationship, it's the "honeymoon" phase where everything is all sweet and romantic. where they just don't see any problems whatsoever even if it's staring at them right in the face.
i didn't make that mistake this time, but truth be told, instead of feeling all lovey dovey, i'm just calm. yes, i do feel the bubbly of it all and i love it, yet i feel secure and reassured.
i just don't know how i managed to get a hold of such a person. someone who i only thought i could come up with in my head, but there she is in the flesh. impossible, or so i thought.

exactly a week from now, we'll be in Thailand! i'm extremely excited for this vacation, a proper vacation for just the both of us. i can't wait to explore beaches and experience the feel of Phuket all over again. you can go to the same place over and over again with different people, and it'll always be a fresh experience.
with her, every day is a different adventure.
and i, am a sucker for adventure.