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8 7 17 + 0 comment ♡
the end of the first semester has come, finals are next week
even only in the first semester, i've learned so much.
i've lost and i've gained in many aspects and i'm thankful for every situation i've been put it.
it allowed me to grow as an individual.
i can't imagine all the things i'll learn by the end of my college days.
crazy to think about it in that way.
crazy to think about it in that way.
i was studying for my finals before i decided to take a break and type out my hearts content.
just the other day i realised that i was finally done caring about people.
before this i wouldn't mind being a punching bag for anyone to release their emotions to, only because i knew i would be okay in healing myself again.
i clung on to people that i cared about, scared, thinking they would leave me in the end.
the more i tried to hold on, the faster they slipped out of my hands.
so eventually, i let go of them.
i never understood why i let myself hurt for someone else. i would get so caught up in their problems that it eventually became my problem.
Dumb.
all the expectations i expected of people in my life, i let go.
in the beginning i have said this before, that i was going to look after myself and only myself, but i found it very difficult to do so.
i couldn't find it in my heart to completely let go of the people i cared for.
i couldn't find it in my heart to completely let go of the people i cared for.
but now, i actually feel the weight come off my shoulders.
i can feel the air on my skin.
something that was always layered with problems that were not mine
something that was always layered with problems that were not mine
i feel a whole new place in my mind has been opened to a much bigger perspective.
there are only a few very special people in my life that i would still do anything for, but i will never again hurt myself for anyone.
selfish? maybe. but thats what i need to be in order to chase my own happiness.
cest la vie
cest la vie