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sigh. + 0 comment ♡
there are days where i feel nothing. there are days where i feel everything.
feelings and emotions are not constant. sometimes you'd end up feeling sad by hearing a particular song ; a particular picture or even a particular scent floating in the air.
in my case, it was the aromatic scent of peppermint in the atmosphere circling the air around me as if to incase me in memories i never want to remember.
i regretted at my choice to make a warm cup of peppermint tea.
although the scent did bring me back to the days of my past, i just could not separate myself from the taste that it leaves lingering on my tastebuds.
sitting there on the cold marbled seat, i sipped the tea. i allowed myself to be taken back in time so you could say, back in time to a period dark and eerie. i remember the nights as if it was like tonight.
i would lay on my bed, with the lights dimmed down.
faint music playing in the background with the AC blasting. i would lay there with a bottle of medication in one hand and the pills in the other.
peppermint tea was always the beverage i looked for when i needed to pop in some pills to forget the pain i always had burning within my caged ribs.
there would be nights, where id be sipping on peppermint tea while arguing with a friend ; family member ; partner.
peppermint tea would lower the boiling anxiety and bring me peace.
only in those times, peppermint tea was the joy in my life. the scent would bring a smile to my face as it did its job in untangling my oh so messed up mind.
if people saw what goes on in my mind, they'd be splashing holy water in there by now.
every one has their demons, some just have more demons than others.
i share my fair few of demons in my mind that i will not enclose here.
too personal.
even the closest of my friends will never really understand the way i see the world. i come off as easy going, nothing out of the ordinary.
thats only because i want to avoid questions about my mentality.
my mentality is messed up, but so is society.
i do blame the society i have created for myself for shaping me into the person i am today. traits that i never knew could evolve in me, have evolved.
unfortunately, sipping on peppermint tea now. only brings me back to the days i wish i never had.
peppermint tea now brings back the "Why are you even alive" mentality back in my mind
au revoir